You know what I like about this ad?


The great thing about this ad is it tells its audience exactly what to do. That being to blow foul smelling, carcinogenic air into the face of the female object of their affection in order to entice her to follow him around like a love sick, smoke lovin' puppy.

This advertisement is also very helpfully clear about instructing its readers what to do:


Aint that darling?

The same way a child joins the dot to dots to draw a picture or a motorist follows road signs, in spite of all our individuality and rebellious tendancies, people often just want to be told what to do. Especially women (kidding!).

Whether you're selling your business via a website, sending out a child's birthday party invitation or pitching your services via email, do 'em favour and tell 'em what to do.

Especially on a website, you need to encourage and link site visitors to your purchase page or contact information on every single page. It doesn't have to be too salesy. No need to threaten them 25 years bad luck if they don't CLICK NOW!!!! But give interested parties the opportunity to cut to the chase or to the online order form at every stage and web page of your site just in case you had them at hello and there is no need to complete your spiel to land the deal. (A lot of rhyming there. Apologies - probably have over-dosed on the Dr Suess bedtime reading of late).

Anyway, if you were mid-way through proposing to someone and they were screaming 'Yes! Yes! Yes!' You wouldn't just ignore their answer and plough on to your nervous little speech's conclusion would you?

And, on a party invitation you would be sure to inform invitees what day, time and place they should aim for, wouldn't you? Your potential guests wouldn't be so keen on wandering the streets aimlessly or scouring Twitter in the vain hope some Four Square related tweet would pinpoint the event for them.

Tell your audience what to do - call me, click this, order here, leave a comment. People like clear, visible instructions (not to mention kitchen appliances and a good spanking ... ).

What do you reckon the call to action of these ads would be?

Get yourself down to any cafe that serves Chase & Sanborn Coffee. Better yet, meet some friends there who can tell you exactly what you can do to get back at your good for nothing husband.

If your Mummy and Daddy don't put the right type of jam on your sandwich, kill them.

Head right on down to the shopping mall to pick up a packet of fags. You'll probably run into the weird creepy dude posing for Santa photos enjoying one on his break while you're there.


[.... there is too much wrongness going on here for me to even get my tiny mind around.]

If you want to avoid that whole scary breast-feeding versus formula feeding argument, skip right on out and get your growing progeny a carbonated beverage.

Guys, try swapping your little missus' valium for a few of these little babies and you might actually come home to a clean bloody house. Women!

Now don't just sit there! Start clicking - buy my book or email me to hire me for a nice juicy copywriting project. Pronto!

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