21 Things You Say In Work Emails, And What They Really Mean

7:28 PM

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A colleague just sent me a link to these decoded email messages. The truth is out!

I’m wondering if I could pick your brain about something: Help me please I am dying.
Looking forward to your thoughts!: Respond to me promptly, asshole.
Just wanted to follow up: Why the F have you not responded to my last note.
I happened to notice your great work on ____ : I’ve spent 3+ hours painstakingly researching your past work in an attempt to ingratiate myself with you.
Let’s circle back on this: I can’t deal with you right now.
Great! (1 exclamation point): Sure, whatev.
Great!! (2 exclamation points): I agree, and want you to like me.
Great!!!!!! (3+ exclamation points): Either I am desperately trying to ingratiate myself with you, or, have just had my fourth cup of coffee.
10. Great. (no exclamation points): I hate you.
Best: We don’t know each other and never will.
I know you’re busy…: You never respond to me and you’re not that important.
Thanks so much for your understanding: Email — Making passive aggression exponentially easier since the early ’80s.
Let’s move forward with the current plan: If we spend one more minute deliberating on this I will be physically ill.
Can’t help with this at the moment, but I’ll let you know if anything comes up!: Already forgotten what you were asking me.
Thanks so much!!: Sure, whatev.
Please advise: No really. F*cking help me now

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